Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Alternate History: The Raid on Barack Obama Was Succcessful.....

The President of Pakistan, Asif Ali Zardari, announced last night that the raid to kill the American president, Barack Obama, was successful. In a speech to the nation of Pakistan, Zardari explained that after years of seeking out Barack Obama's location, the Inter-Services Intelligence Agency had been able to track Obama to a large mansion in the middle of the capital of the United States, Washington D.C.. In describing the raid Zardari re-capped the multiple crimes Obama had been accused of:  violation of Pakistani sovereignty, the murder of innocent Pakistani civilians and the targeted extra-judicial killing of various Pakistani Islamists. Obama, as the American commander-in-chief was held to be ultimately responsible for these crimes and for creating an undeclared state of war between Pakistan and the U.S..

"Our commandos, operating from a secret base in Canada, were able to fly into the United States and target the large white villa that Obama was hiding out in. Upon gaining entry to the building our forces were able to locate Obama, kill him, obtain large stores of vital intelligence information and escape U.S. airspace with his body. After giving him due burial rights according to accepted Christian custom, Obama's remains were buried at sea, being slid off the deck of a Pakistani Navy frigate operating off the coast of the United States."

Zardari announced to the people of Pakistan that "justice had been done" and thanked his troops and many intelligence operatives for their long hard work in this affair. Administration officials later acknowledged that, despite earlier reports to the contrary, Obama wasn't armed and didn't engage in a firefight that included Pakistani forces. When approached with questions regarding the certainty of their target administration officials explained that they were able to establish 99.9% certainty using various forensic and biometric techniques. As to the legality of the operation, the Ministry of Defence argued that by waging an undeclared war on Pakistan, by regularly violating Pakistani sovereignty and by acting outside the norms of established international law, Barack Obama had indeed made himself a legal subject of targeted killing.


"Here is a man who believed he was above the law and able to order whatever he wanted without consequence," an administration spokesman said, on condition of anonymity. "We only did what was just."

Critics both within and without Pakistan are busily arguing both the legality and morality of the act, especially in light of the revelation that Obama was unarmed.

Stay tuned for further details on this still evolving story......

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Thoughts on Osama bin Laden and All That.......


With all this stuff on bin Laden....thought I'd put together some thoughts on the issue......

Not the Hollywood Ending People Want It To Be

One thing I think is interesting about the whole Osama bin Laden thing is the celebratory fervor that has swept up many Americans. I blogged yesterday on the issue of whether or not it’s okay to celebrate bin Laden’s death (check it out if you’re interested). One thing that gets me about the response to bin Laden’s death is how victorious so many people feel. It strikes me as a quintessential American response to an action movie’s happy ending. Bad guy gets away from justice a long time. Check. Good guys send in a team of highly strained special ops soldiers. Check. Good guys attack house to bring bad guy to justice. Check. Bad guy dies in battle with good guys. Good guys win! End scene. Roll credits. Raise the house lights.

We Americans sure do love our movies, our action movies in particular. The more I think about bin Laden’s death the more I expect to hear that The Expendables were the ones who did it. No, wait, maybe it was The A-Team. Huh? Oh, oh, yeah, right! My bad! It was really those Inglorious Basterds. Wait. What? Damn! I’m sorry! Of course! It was really the Mission Impossible team lead by the Ethan Hunt!

The story, as presented to Americans anyway, is just what we’d expect out of one of our beloved action/adventures. Only, the way things will end won’t be with a simple long shot of our heroes riding off into a setting sun in their tricked out special ops helicopter. Life is never as simple as we’d like it to be. Our War on Terror is unlikely to end anytime soon. In fact, odds are pretty good it will become a perpetual war funded by vested wealthy and powerful interests intent on seeing it never come to an end, think the War on Drugs redux. There will be no “happy ending” with a hero’s welcome and the giving out of medals (think the end of Star Wars) to triumphant music. The war will go on and on and on. If anything it may come to resemble that lovely bridge in Apocalypse Now, you know the one, that got rebuilt during the day by U.S. troops only to be blow up again night after night by the Vietcong. It’s highly unlikely that bin Laden’s death will translate into the Hollywood-style ending that people want it to be.

Did Obama Kill Osama?

I’m not a fan of President Obama. If you’ve read my blogs before you’ve seen some entries detailing criticisms I have of him and his performance. Lots of folks who are also not fans of the president are up in arms over the idea that “Obama killed Osama”. Did President Obama kill Osama bin Laden? Is bin Laden’s death a feather in Obama’s cap? Who gets the credit for it?

I’m a Pittsburgh Steelers fan and I’m still in mourning. As you may know, we lost to the Green Bay Packers in the most recent Super Bowl. When talking about the game it’s common usage to say that Mike Tomlin, who’d won one Super Bowl, had lost this one. Who’s Mike Tomlin you ask? He’s the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers and, in fact, the youngest coach ever to win a Super Bowl. He lost this one though, the Packers just played a helluva’ game.

But wait, did Coach Tomlin “lose” the Super Bowl? I mean, did he even play in it? Well......no. He didn’t play. He didn’t make one pass, didn’t run the ball once, didn’t even make a single tackle. He just stood on the sidelines all game long, watching. So....can we say he really “lost” the game?

Being a leader comes with some perks. When things go well you get credit. Like everything it has its downside too so that, when things go bad, you get saddled with the blame. We all know this from work as people often get credit for things they didn’t do (their underlings did) and get blame for things they didn’t do (those same damn underlings!). Coach Tomlin, to follow the strict interpretationalist view, didn’t lose the Super Bowl because he wasn’t in the game. He didn’t play! President Obama didn’t kill Osama because he wasn’t there! He didn’t pull a trigger! 

Historically, leaders get credit all the time for things they didn’t really do. Lincoln won the Civil War but he didn’t fire a musket, load a cannon or lead any cavalry charges. Franklin Roosevelt won World War II but he didn’t lead any landings on Normandy, he didn’t clear out any houses in fighting in Stalingrad and he didn’t fly any bombing missions over Tokyo. John F. Kennedy put a man on the moon but he was long, long dead by the time it happened. Herbert Hoover caused the Great Depression, don’t you know, even though he didn’t really, he just had the great misfortune to be in office when it hit.

Again, I’m not a fan of Obama so I’m not arguing this out of my like for the guy, I’m just arguing this from the point of view of historical fact and the tradition of common language usage. People may not like it but from the point of view of both, Obama killed Osama.

Pakistan...The Friend of our Enemy is Our Frenemy

We Americans are a rather jaded people. Why? Because we’re lied to all the time. Lies are central to our political discourse and to the way our government works. Take our friendship with Pakistan for instance.....

We’re not friends. I think most Americans who follow current events just a little sense that and yet....smiles and back slaps abound at how we’re allies working together in the War on Terror. We Americans hate hypocrisy at work, in social settings....and we fully recognize it in our government as well. We know that Pakistan isn’t our friend but that our government can’t say that openly. No one takes the platitudes and warm sentiments overly seriously. It’s clear that, no matter how much Pakistan says, they are not our friend. Actions speak louder than words and the fact that several top al Qaeda members (not counting Osama bin Laden) have been found free, openly roaming big cities in Pakistan suggests that the country really isn’t working with us to stop terrorists.

Pakistan has nuclear weapons which makes them a very, very dangerous country. Their overall unwillingness to go after people like bin Laden really makes one wonder if they’re not the most dangerous country around. Pretty crazy stuff.


The Fallacy of Morals

Some Americans may be under the mistaken impression that U.S. forces were sent to capture Osama bin Laden. No, they weren’t.


Capturing bin Laden was not on the agenda because capturing bin Laden would’ve created a staggering amount of problems for the United States. Killing bin Laden was the goal, pure and simple. Whether we like to think of it this way or not it’s clear that the U.S. wanted bin Laden dead and went to extraordinary lengths to assassinate him.

Hey, we could’ve captured him if we wanted to right? Wrong. Capturing bin Laden would’ve been problematic on multiple levels. Right now, in the wake of his death there are concerns of retaliatory terror attacks that have driven up threat levels for U.S. forces across the world. Capturing and holding bin Laden (indefinitely) would’ve created the same problem but would have made the issue an ongoing one. We’d have had to hold on to bin Laden for the rest of his life in what would’ve amounted to American politics as a lose-lose game. It could take years and years for him to die and the entire time we'd be on a state of alert awaiting some attack.

What would U.S. options be in holding bin Laden prisoner? What choices would we have been presented with? Well, the first one would be to put him on trial or not put him on trial. Seriously? What jury on in the United States could possibly have given Osama bin Laden a fair, unbiased trial? Would you want bin Laden in a courtroom? Would you want to give him a public theater in which he could deliver his unique style of polemics against America and the West? I don’t think any American leaders gave this serious consideration. A trial would have galvanized many Islamic extremists and provided them with a rallying point. Wherever the trial was held the cost for security alone would’ve been astronomical. It’d have been a foregone conclusion that bin Laden would be found guilty. Could you imagine the uproar in the U.S. if he was tried and found not guilty?! Chaos would ensue. There’d be violence in the streets. The government would topple. At the same time, a guilty verdict would be seen by some neutral observers and pretty much all radical Islamists that bin Laden didn’t get a fair trial and had become a “martyr” to his cause. Talk about your Kobyashi Maru scenarios.

After a trial, then what? In the highly unlikely event that bin Laden was found not guilty, would he just be let go? Just released and sent on his way? If found guilty, would he be condemned to life in prison or, sentenced to death? Well, it seems to me that any government that let bin Laden walk after being exonerated in court would topple very quickly. Finding him guilty though creates a whole other set of problems. Keeping him in jail the rest of his life allows him to remain a “martyr” for his followers. “Osama is a prisoner of the evil Great Satan! Let us all fight in his name while he is a prisoner!” One could expect attempts at kidnappings all over the place in response. Al Qaeda might try to abduct a high-ranking Western official. Let’s say they got their hands on, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Then what? Would we do a prisoner swap? Would we allow some high-ranking politico to be kept hostage and/or eventually killed (probably on video) to keep our hands on bin Laden?

Executing him would be another option of course, but that would make him even more a martyr in the eyes of his followers than keeping him locked up forever. Then there’d be the whole question that U.S. forces just had to deal with regarding how to handle his corpse. Of course, a dead bin Laden would be a problem even minus execution. Bin Laden wasn’t going to live forever, so, even if the U.S. didn’t execute him (an honorable death in the eyes of many) when he did finally die the U.S. would come under inevitable criticism and scrutiny for not doing everything it could to keep him alive, for submitting him to terrible conditions while imprisoned, there’d be likely accusations that the U.S. withheld needed medical care....the whole thing would be a huge mess.

Course, no trial was necessary. Many al Qaeda members are being held without a trial and without hope of one, imprisoned indefinitely. Instead of giving bin Laden a court to show off in, he could’ve been smuggled to some secret jail somewhere and held for the rest of his life in quite on the down low. That would’ve been hard to do, of course. Guards would be awfully tempted to talk. Sooner or later there’s a strong likelihood that world would get out and the world would look to the U.S. for answers on why it never said anything about having captured bin Laden. Then you’d have the scandal issues of a blown secret and return to the problems of what to do with him while you have him that I’ve listed above.

The problems of capturing bin Laden alive, as I’ve listed, are many. Much simpler to just kill him. There’s little reason to think that U.S. forces ever intended to capture him in the first instance and every reason to assume that killing him was always the goal. Killing him was going to be much cleaner, much simpler and far less of a headache. But what are we to make of that? What are we to make of the morality behind whacking Osama bin Laden? My take....it’s the American way.

We Americans like to kill other people. Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen an American film before? American movies don’t go in much for conversation and working problems out. Real American films involve bad guys getting killed and good guys winning the day.


The Truth About What Happened

One final thought on all this Osama stuff, this time dealing with the truth of it all. As expected, some news stories have already come out about people around the world doubting Osama bin Laden’s death. People are like that, after all. Even with lots of video evidence to support it there are some people out there who believe strongly that the moon landings never happened, that it was all a set-up, a con done on sound stages in Hollywood. So far (at least, as I write this) the White House hasn’t released any evidence to support President Obama’s statement that bin Laden was killed. In fact, the official story has already changed more than once:


I don’t write this to challenge the credibility of President Obama or the White House version of events but, rather, to point out that what we have is a very one-sided narrative. Life teaches us to be open to people’s stories but also to be skeptical, especially where only one side is involved.

Was Osama bin Laden resisting? Did he use a wife as a “human shield”? Did a helicopter get disabled due to a mechanical failure? Were other countries involved and/or alerted ahead of time about the raid? What is the “truth” of what happened on May 1st in that compound in Abbottabad?

We may never know the answers to all the questions I’ve just posed. Then again, we may. And even if we do, the answers given may never satisfy everyone. That’s just the way it goes, really. Some will believe the official narrative while others question certain aspects of it while still others will dismiss it all together. Just as some people to this day believe that President Obama was born in Kenya, even after all the evidence that has been presented to suggest otherwise, there will be some who believe that Osama bin Laden wasn’t killed or, at least, wasn’t killed in the way the U.S. government says he was.

This is one aspect of the bin Laden story I find most interesting. What is the truth? How do we find it? Do we know it when we see it? How do we deal with our own doubts when we have them?

What interests me is that in a society where privacy increasingly doesn’t exist and where we seem to more and more about just about everything we occasionally run across an issue or an incident in which determining the truth is a challenge. We’re smarter than we’ve ever been, we know more than we’ve ever known but still sometimes we’re confronted with things we may never know.  Sometimes we are faced with situations where all we can know is what we are told and we’re asked to move on from there. I think that’s interesting. For all we know, sometimes we’re just destined to not know as much as we’d like

Monday, May 2, 2011

Just in From Hell....Is This Pic Funny? If So, Why?

A dear friend I don't always agree with but love anyway posted a pic on her Facebook profile today that I found way interesting in a lot of different ways, so, I thought I'd share:


The caption on her post implied that the pic was "just in from Hell".  Talk about things that make me go "Hmm....."

First off, the pic is meant to be funny. Hey, it's Saddam in bed with Osama bin Laden! Secondly, it's supposed to imply that both Osama and Saddam are in Hell. It got me thinking.....

The Mind of God

First thing I thought about was this assumption that Osama and Saddam are in Hell. Hey, they sure could be. I admit that. They were both bad guys, right? So, their both being in Hell wouldn't come as a big surprise I guess. But how do we know they're in Hell?

I'd argue....we can't. Sorry. Just can't. While I'm an atheist I try to keep up on my basic Christian theology and one of the core tenets of Christianity is that no one can know the Mind of God. Nobody. Not you. Not me. Nobody. We can never know what God is thinking or what his decisions are.

So, if we accept that premise to be true....and it makes sense, after all, if God is so much more superior than us, then we can never say we know who goes where after they're dead. Sure, there's a chance both Osama and Saddam wound up in Hell. There's also a chance they're in Heaven. We have no idea. Why? Cuz, we can't know the Mind of God.

Wait a minute! I hear some Christians yelling. Of course God sent them both to Hell because, why, oh why, would God let them into Heaven?

Umm....Mind of God? You ever hear the one where God works in mysterious ways? We just admitted we can't know what God's thinking so, it makes sense that if God allowed Saddam and Osama into Heaven, we might not understand it. Hey, God does stuff and we don't understand why he does stuff. He's God, we're not. End of story. We're puny little ant-like things in the presence of the glory that is God. How the Hell can we figure out why he does what he does?

Then there's the Christian problem of forgiveness. You know, if you ask God for forgiveness, sometimes he is cool and cuts you some slack. We don't know what Saddam or Osama's relationship with God was. Maybe they both asked the Big Guy for forgiveness and he was like, "Ahh.....ok. We cool yo'!"

Could happen. Lots of ministers and preachers tell us it can happen. That's a selling point for Christianity. No matter how fucked up you are....if you accept Jesus in your heart and ask God for forgiveness...bada boom bada bing! You're forgiven!

Fact is though, we have no idea really what God's forgiveness threshold is. And besides, didn't God's kid Jesus tell us not to judge lest we be judged or some shit like that? If we're judging these guys in Hell, sounds like we're not listening to The Kid very well are we? Aren't we being all judgmental in this case? Sure seems like it to me. I wonder if Jesus would get his rocks off laughing at this pic. 

So, the more I think about it, the essential premise of the joke the pic is supposed to represent, that Osama and Saddam are in Hell.....you don't know and I don't know. The whole thing seems kind of silly, this idea of making a joke about something we don't know and can't know.

The Humor in Eternal Torment

Course, it gets darker though, as not well thought out things often do. The idea of the joke is that Saddam and Osama are in Hell and, even if we can admit that we don't know (and can't know) whether this is true or not, the simple idea of them both being there is supposed to be funny.  Why?

What happens in Hell? Not good things, if you believe the Christian friends I know. It's torture, misery, unending bleakness, for all of eternity. Forever and ever. Not too guys kicking back smoking a smoke, drinking a drinky drink and hugging one out after thrusting one out. It's not a smiley, lovey-dovey post-coital glow session. It's Hell. It's torture. It's torment. And some people think that shit's funny.

That's funny? We think that torturing people forever and having endless amounts of pain inflicted on them without ever hope of any release or forgiveness.....funny? Really? Is that how we roll? What does shit like that say about us? We Americans assume we're superior to people like Saddam and Osama because they go around killing people but, at the same time, many of us get off on the suffering and torture of others. Really?

I don't know man....just the idea of that being funny is kind of sad to me. It seems pretty sick and twisted. A lot of the same people who get off at the thought of people being tortured in Hell for eternity and find it funny are caring, loving parents. They're good friends. They go to church. They give to charity. Yet, somewhere, deep down inside they still get off on the idea of other human beings being subjected to eternal torment. It gives them the giggles!

I mean, watching a guy trip and fall and have his face land in a pie is one thing, having someone tortured in pain for all of eternity....that's another. But you and I both know, reader, that there's no accounting for the tastes of others....

Two Naked Guys in Bed Are Funny Why?

The pic also implies that seeing Osama and Saddam in bed together, in Hell, is funny. They're both naked and they look happy, maybe even post-coital happy. Are two naked guys in bed funny? What? Is this like the 1950's or some shit when we made jokes about homosexuals because we thought being gay was something to be made fun of?

Uhh....no. Two naked guys in bed are, well, rather normal. Homosexuality happens in nature, it's a natural thing, it happens all the fucking time (go watch National Geographic if you don't believe me) so, two happy naked guys post a sweaty fuck session would seem.....natural. There's nothing about it that looks funny or presents itself as being worth poking fun at. Gay isn't funny. It's not anything to be ashamed of or be ridiculed or anything like that. So, why in the world is Saddam and Osama lying in bed together some grand ole' gag?

Unless....you're homophobic, maybe, and you think gay people are funny. Then I see a joke. Maybe. But even then all we see is two guys, apparently naked, kicking back smiling. In Hell. Don't forget the Hell part. Again....what's so funny about that?

Yeah....Looks Like Hell to Me.......

But, wait a minute. This pic is supposed to show Saddam and Osama in Hell, right? WTF? Does that look like any Hell you ever heard of? Aside from how twisted it is to be making fun of people presumably being tortured and hurt for all eternity without a hope of release, this doesn't look like Hell. Shit, it looks like a suite in the Four Seasons!! You got two happy, comfortable lovers who are in post-coital bliss enjoying a drink and a smoke! Is that what people in Hell have to worry about?! Fuck!!!! If that's the gig, send me to Hell!!!! It looks like a cool, happy place!

You'd think people hating on both these guys would want a pic that shows them suffering. You know, like, really having it bad! Maybe the 72 virgins Osama was hoping for turn out to be, like 72 Snookies or something. But these guys look good. Shit, they look great! Happy dammit! If this is supposed to be some joke on them, they actually look like they've turned the tables and are putting the joke on us. It's like they're both saying...."Yeah, we're dead bitches but we're having a great time so......suck our dicks!"

So, again, if this pic is supposed to depict Osama and Saddam in Hell....if we're supposed to be laughing at their eternal damnation and enjoying our certainty that God hates them as much as we do and....if this pic is supposed to be funny because they're being gay or, better yet for some people, being tortured miserably....the pic fails all kinds. It just does. You almost want to laugh at the pic, not because it depicts Osama and Saddam in Hell but because the pic is so divorced from the thoughts of what it's trying to do that it's really stupid.

One of my favorite things about emotional events is how little thought people put into them. Knee-jerk reactions to things often come out looking just plain dumb. Need proof? If it please the court, I'd like to present Exhibit A.....the alleged funny (but not so much) pic "Just in From Hell".......